I love my sons.... and a rant

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK YOU!

I am off work today. Actually for a few days. It seems nice to have this time off. My lil' Dude is enjoying it. Waking up ever morning walking out to the dining room where I am at saying to me "Morning Mother." It warms my heart. It makes me wish we could have mornings like this everyday. We hug and I get my first kiss of the day. He is such a delight in the mornings. Probably will be like me, morning person. One of my sons needs to be. The other two like to sleep till noon.
LONG STORY HERE, blowing off steam so please bear with me.
Lil' Dude's Dad dropped off lil' dude a few days ago. While dropping him off I asked dad if his sister got the job she had an interview for a few weeks ago. (his mom told me she had an interview.) He said he didn't ask, he forget. Same thing his Mom said to me, forgetting to ask. Well he then went back to his sister acting all pissed that his mom is telling family secrets to me. hhmm Job interview a secret, ok. Anyways the sister got right on the phone and called the mom. I then received a YIM from mom telling me she was going to be out of town but when she got back we had to talk about what I said to her son. She received a call from her daughter and it wasn't nice.
I was at first trying to rack my brain, what could I have said to upset the dad? What did I do this time? Nothing I know I didn't do anything. I have been trying my best to be nice and to keep things civil. Small talk here and there. Staying generic with dad. Then I remembered I asked about his sister, hhmm. Why would that cause a huge blow out? I thought about it. Knowing Dad as I do, I knew he went right to his sister. So I taking matters into my own hands, while mom was out of town and wanting to put an end to this. I e-mailed sister. I forwarded it to the Mom and lil dude's Dad too. That way they all got the same e-mail. They all knew what was said and no one could add to it. I wrote this:

Hello Sister, I am sorry to be bothering you. I got a weird message from your mother
Here it is, take it for what you want
Mother:(8/27/2006 12:29:07 PM): you and I need to talk in couple days, and I want some truth and honesty from you about what was said to lil dude's Dad etc, sure got nasty call from sister and it wasn't nice, wont be back till tomorrow nite,

Not sure what the call was about and it really is none of my business. As far as I know and the only thing I can say is I asked her if you got your job. Your Mom did tell me several weeks ago you had an interview. I had asked her and she says she keeps forgetting to ask. Do I talk to your Mom about your brother? Very little. I don't want to go there with her nor anyone else. He is her son, I am not stupid enough to think it would do anything good. I do spout of once in awhile saying he hasn't seen nor talked to lil dude. I send her voice waves lil dude makes as he is her grandson. I wish her happy holidays and even chat once in awhile. Not to hurt the dad, not to destroy any thing they have as a family. I am not that way. I have protected your brother for years, why would I stop now?
If I have an issue with your brother I will confront him. I don't need to go through your mother. If he feels like I am going behind his back, so be it. It is his issue really not mine. He e-mails my sister and I talk to his mom. I am not trying to cause waves, I do not want your mother to get in the middle of your brother and I. The Issues I have with him and him with me should stay between us.
I haven't talked to your mom in a few days. I thought you were a safe topic for your mother and I. I honestly wondered if you got that job. I wanted to hear some good news. NO BIG DEAL. I will continue to send sound waves and things to your mother from lil dude. They are cute. I enjoy lil dude and love to share him. Who better then his Grandma? I ask your brother about your Dad and Step Mom. I ask about brothers 1 and 2 sometimes too. I ask about your sons. I am sorry if your brother can't understand that. As I have asked him several times about all of you. It is never indepth family history. It is always superficial answers from both your brother and your mother. It is all I am asking really. Just conversation. I laugh at your mom and hope I can give her some laughs too. I am not out to get your brother nor anyone else in your family. I do try and make lil dude feel as if he don't have to hide your side of his family from me so he don't get mixed emotions. I talk about your sons and I even play around with and talk to Dads other son so lil dude feels comfortable and secure. I am his Mother. I know my role. I know my place. Your brother obviously came to you after I asked him if you got that job. He is the one who put more into it then there is. I just wondered if you got your job. Feel safe in knowing I don't pry into your brothers life. I don't go digging for information. Your mother will defend him if I get upset when there is a period of time he hasn't seen lil dude. Your mother takes good care of your brothers personal life. HE IS HER SON, I get that. I just like to laugh with her. She is funny. We know our limits of friendship and I would never compromise her relationship with your brother. I am a mother too you know. I don't care to find out stuff about your brother. I don't and wont put your mother in that position either. We just laugh and I send her things from her grandson.

So with all that said, I hope you got your job. I hope you have a good day. Just know I am glad lil dude has an Aunt who loves him as you do, and cousins he cares for. (I don't care what your brother does in his life as long as he don't hurt my son, which I totally expect and tell him so. Only time will tell.)

Just my side of the stupid crap.
~The One.


Well in response the Dad tried to act like he was something important. He e-mailed to all and said he would talk to me alone. OOOHHHH!! Waited for the alone e-mail. When it came it said:

I am not sure why and how you thought you had to respond to that or even like that. Don't get me wrong, I told you I don't care you and mom talk as long as it is about you and her and lil dude. Enough said. Hope you had a good weekend and I will get with you for getting lil dude one night again, going to be scarce with working midnights but I will make an attempt to have him before this wknd.

I replied:

This is a funny reply, as it is you who caused this rift between your mother and your sister. Your mad at me and direct it towards your mother? You think it wrong of her telling me your sister had a job interview (petty), well I think it wrong you feel as if she tells me about you. She is your mother The Dad. She has YOUR BACK. She wouldn't do the things you obviously believe of her. I don't ask about you, I don't get information about you. We avoid you for the most part. It is safer for us and we realize that. Why don't you tell your sister I have your permission to talk to your mother. She obviously thinks it isn't so. You have said enough to get your sister mad at your mother for things you know nothing about. ENOUGH SAID!!
I am done. I will delete your mother from my email. I will delete her from my Pal. You explain to her why lil dude wont be sending her holiday greetings and explain to her why I am not there laughing with her. Letting her feel a bit connected to lil dude. I used to let lil dude say "HI GRANDMA" on Pal. She felt great and it made her feels special in front of her friends. I didn't see anything wrong with that. It helped her the dad. But since you want to make an issue with your Mom and her Daughter, no more. You will not use me in that way. Your done using me. DONE!
At Church today we discussed not going to bed mad, getting it out and not letting the devil get a foot hold in. Seems I am always mad at you, you never have and I realize never will give me what I deserve. I will get passed this as I always do. This time, The Good Lord will help and you will have your role and you will know your place. Fix this between your sister and your mother. She loves you the dad. Don't stab her in the back by putting a rift between her and your sister. She don't stab you in the back no matter what you think. As far as lil dude, don't destroy him as you have others.

to which he replied: (and it still erks me today)
Rift? Me? I am not arguing with you and I will tell my sister you all can and do talk. Hell that is how I get my information, lol.
Church? I am impressed. Did you know lil dudes brother asked lil dude the other day if you all went to church? I am glad you are going now.
Talk to you later. Get some rest.

to which I then replied:
Glad lil dudes brother and lil dude have a good relationship. Don't worry about me getting rest. I know you worry so much about me.
I will make sure I am involved in your life as little as possible, but lil dude is my son the dad. I take that very serious. One thing you have always underestimated in me is my love for my children. Family is huge to me. If we're to be the best parents for lil dude, I will have to deal with you. But make no mistake, I do what's best for my sons. No matter what. Sometimes I have to step back and think to make the correct decision. Allow me that, and I will work on my total lack of trust for you. As we both know there has to be a certain amount of trust in the other parent. I have none in you, I will work on that. Not making any promises, and doing my best. I am only human after all.
So did your sister get a job? (HAHAHA- still have a sense of humor)


he replied he was glad we could still laugh together.
His Mom e-mailed me with a thank you. Believing the e-mail did some good. She knows he plays both sides. She understands it all. Yet she dosen't hold him accountable. I am so done. told her I am and him too. I want nothing to do with all that drama. It wears on me to much.
Thanks for letting me blow off steam and getting it out.
Enjoy your day and smile at a sranger.

Minor League Ball game and Fireworks.

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK YOU!

Last night my 21 yr old, his girl, my 4 yr old and I went to the local minor league ball game. My work had an evening at the game event. There were lots of people lots of noise and fresh air. We all enjoyed. Our Team won 7-1. We went out to eat first, but still had plenty of stuff at the game. Popcorn, them icecream dots, lots of drinks and I think I seen someone eating an ice cream sandwich. It was fun. They had fireworks after and that was nice. My 4 yr old sat on my lap and we ooohhh'd and ahhhh'd over them. Nice weather and fireworks, a good night.
My ex hubby was there with his parents. ggrrr ( father of my 21 and 16 yr old boys.) He know I am uncomfortable with him wanting to spend time with my 4 yr old. One reason is the 4 yr olds Dad wouldn't like it to much. Another was his attempt to commit suicide back in June. Another is his wish him and I get back together. Can't do it. Wont do it. (that's a totally other post) Yet he came over to where we were sitting. If he didn't do that, my 4 yr old would never knew he was there. gggrrrrr. (enough said there)
But all in all it was a good time, good laughs and relaxing (after ex hubby left) My 21 yr old drove, lol. I didn't have to deal with the traffic. Though I did show him how to get down some side streets an ally way and away from all the traffic. He was happy about that. Me too. The 4 yr old fell asleep on the way home. It was about 10:30pm. Infact he just woke up. Good sleep for him and a morning to myself. Always nice. Well as it is Sunday and time to get ready for Church, I hope you all have a good day~enjoy!

Life is Ok.

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK YOU!

I have been busy lately, kinda. Working a lot of over time just in time to be layed off next week. Just for a week. Another in October if I heard correctly. Work is slow and yet I am working over. Sound weird to you? Yea to me too.
My sons are doing good. The 21 yr old is without a job. He was just layed off himself. Not enough work. He wont be returning. ggrrr So another job he needs to get. I know it isn't fun looking for a job here right now. It is hard.
My 16 yr old is dreading school already and he hasn't even started yet. We got him new school shoes. He picked out ones that look just like last years. (shaking head) He must have really liked them.
My 4 yr old isn't liking his new daycare and the kids there. He feels a little left out when his daycare provider plays with the other kids. Yet he also enjoys learning the Spanish they are teaching them. There are several kids who speak Spanish who go there. So he will learn. He likes coming home and telling me what's being taught, teaching Mommy is fun for him.
Lots going on the next few days or week. I shall be in and out trying to keep busy and not talking to THE DAD. He is doing what he can to depress me lately. I wont let him do it. Yea, right. Not till I get to bed at night and I think. No sleep then. Anyways. I am doing good. Kids are great and I want to move out of state. Nothing unusual.

Have a great night.

A Birthday........

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK YOU!


My middle son turned 16 today. WOW 16. It seems like just yesterday.......
It feels like just yesterday. I, as most mothers can, recall him being born so vividly. It is weird thinking I have a 16 yr old when I can recall being 16 myself. (not to mention my 21 yr old) If it wasn't for my 4 yr old, I would feel ready for the "old folks home".

Happy Birthday Son. Enjoy your day. I am enjoying watching you grow into a man.

Ok I give Up.

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK YOU!

I am not sure how to be an open person. I don't know how to explain me. I feel as if I am a superficial person now a days. I have come to a block in my efforts to find a man. I can't sell myself as some women can. I am just me. I am nothing more then I say I am. I am a simple person who enjoys her family and friends. I have been hurt and played. But who hasn't now a days? I am not even sure I can trust a man right now.
I miss having someone who comes up and holds me for the pure pleasure of holding me. I miss being held and feeling safe. I miss having my forehead kissed by someone who loves me as I love them. I miss the laughter shared and the moments of pleasure. I miss feeling complete when my man is around. I miss calling someone to tell them I will be late. I miss asking someone what they want for dinner so I can cook it for them. I miss the long winter nights with a lover. I miss the Christmas mornings I would receive a gift from someone who loved me. I miss giving a Christmas gift to someone I love. I miss the camping trips and the swims. I miss having someone sleeping next to me at night. I miss playing little pranks on my lover and the tickles. I miss leaning in for a kiss. I miss the look in my lovers eyes when I know it is "time". I miss being accepted for being me.
So with all that said I am probably going to change the tune of this spot. Probably the name is going to be changed. I am not sure what it will be called yet. ANY SUGGESTIONS???

Where have I been????

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK YOU.


I am in complete disbelief. I am amazed and scared, kinda. I met this guy. Yes on line. I was just poking around. Laughing, having a good moment after work. I went into a chat room. Not looking. Not thinking about chatting up some guy. I am a flirt. I can admit that. (excuse me if this goes all over the place as I am trying to remember.) While chatting, usually I chat to older people. Friends of friends, 50-60 yr olds. Then BAMM. There was this guy. I laughed at several things he had to say. So me being the life loving gal I am, I pm'd him. We hit it off fairly fast. We laughed joked and giggled. It has been a few days now, I get on just to see if he is around. We haven't even gone into a "room" since we met. We just sit in the "lobby" (words I use as I am new to this chatting thing on Pal Talk.) We sit in pm's and talk. I have laughed so hard at him, me and just everyday things.
He is in the Military, a Jarhead~~BONUS! He is tall too. 9 inches taller then me. I am not that tall, but he is..lol Dark hair and green eyes he said. He runs everyday, and has a dog. One of the breeds I like. If astrology is correct his sign and mine are compatible. He has no kids. He is 35. He does have at least one sister we have talked about. He shows respect towards his parents. He said he is shy. We haven't made it into a "private room" to talk. We just talk in pm's. I heard his voice the first day I talked to him in the room I met him in. It sounds nice, calm. I think it was Thursday that I met him. Could be Wednesday. I am terrible with times, dates and names. We tried to yesterday, but my mic wasn't working correctly. I had did some fancy crap to my system so it played music in a chat room but you didn't hear me nor any other noise in my house. Forgot how to go back and fix it. So I received help from someone in Pal Talk. Whew that's nuts. But just as I get it fixed, it was time to go. For both of us. He hasn't heard me yet. I told him he might not like me after that, cuse as short as I am he will think of Mini Mouse when he hears me. We laughed and got off the computer. I know he is on leave for a few weeks. He was already in Iraq, not going there. Wont say where he said he just returned from. Nor where he said he is going to be after his leave is up. (I will say he sounds great. Promises he isn't a PLAYER yada yada yada.) I wont be talking to him for a few days at least, he is out with some friends having a good time. Hope he enjoys his time relaxes a bit. He sounds as if he is always on the go. Though he has taken the time to talk to me for the last few days. It has been fun.

Now, I am not saying he is THE ONE. I am just glad that I can still laugh. I can still get silly and enjoy talking to a guy. I am not saying he was completely honest nor even honest at all. Who really knows. But it has been fun and I am discovering a few things about me and my needs. Things I have forgotten since my lil guys father. I know what I don't want in a relationship. Just not entirely sure what I do want. I hear all the time, "Don't hate the player, hate the game." AAHH NO! Not my type of guy. Any man who likes to play like that sure isn't where I am in life and isn't worth my time. Do I hate that man, nope. Do I stay clear of that man, sure do. Playing a person, male or female is selfish and immature. If I can't bring it home to my sons. I don't do it. It's as simple as that.

I can say I am ticked off at my step Sister. OH BOY am I ever. I just found out yesterday, she had seen my sons father at her place of work (which is a bar) with another woman. While him and I were trying to see where things were going to go. She never said a word to me. Not one. Funny isn't it. I told her when her boyfriend wasn't honest with her. He was with someone else I didn't want her catching something from him. I know I made it clear to her and everyone else in my family I would want to know. I don't want a disease. I don't want to have to worry if I am going to be alive for my 4 yr old. I don't play. I do however get played. That is obvious. I am tired of that. Tired of the world thinking of themselves and not how it affects other people.
Yes a touchy subject for me. So I will stop there.

Hope you all have a beautiful day. Enjoy it.

Last night..... or early this morning if you will.

I was asleep when I received a phone call. It scared me, being 1:30am. I answered it to find out my oldest son (21 yrs old), his girlfriend's father (did you follow that?) locked himself out of his apartment. As my son had been drinking, not in the shape to drive, I had to run the girlfriend to her Dad so she could let him in. Not sure why girlfriend don't have a license. When I finally picked her up, I was still in my jamies. Didn't go inside anyways.
Her dad felt bad about it. Well knowing no one in their right mind would lock themselves out especially at 1:30am, how could I get mad. Besides I know if I needed something he would help me as well. Not to mention I was being a good Mommy. My son didn't need to be driving.
I finally was able to settle down again around 3:00am. When my 4 yr old woke up at 6:47am I wasn't ready. I am usually awake by then. Most days I'm already at work. I hate broken up sleep. It takes so much out of me. I usually (as of late) go to sleep at 11:00pm. Up at 4:30-4:45am. Not sure why this morning was so hard to get up. Had to be the broken up sleep. So now here it is just after 8:00am and I have had my supply of vitamins for the morning 2 cups of coffee and I am ready for a nap. Boy is this going to be a long day.

Time to go get ready for Church. Enjoy your day.
(Trying to stop writing the Old Phrase "R t B" is hard. But that is how someone found me before. He Googled that phrase.)

Try going from a 21 yr old to a 16 yr old, not to hard. Then add a 4 yr old. LOL.
I am never bored!!! Sometimes it is nuts but always fun.



I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children.It don't go unnoticed. THANK-YOU!!!!

Am I less about reactions then I thought?

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed.

Yesterday at work, I had a guy supervisor come right up to me real close to my personal space as people say, we talked for a few minutes. Another lowly employee come up and I was to train him on the job I was doing, The supervisor backed away real fast. Acting kinda weird. I blew it off. The other employee said "WOW, he was flirting with you". The other employee is a guy who never involves himself in other peoples business to often. hhmmm I didn't think he was flirting. I was just talking to him. I didn't feel as if the conversation had any innuendoes or tension if you will. I was just talking and felt the supervisor was too. We laughed once the whole time we talked. I guess the reason for this little story is just to wonder aloud~~How often has someone tried to flirt with me and I never even picked up on it? hhmm oh well.

I am a firm believer in actions speak louder then words. Tell me one thing but act or react another sure says a lot about your character. So me being the way I am, I like reactions. I enjoy seeing people in many different emotions. Sometimes even anger so long as it isn't directed towards me, just so I can see how much I want them involved in my life. I will never be around someone I feel afraid of their temper and or anger. If someone is violent in anger stay away. I have been around someone who threw things when he was mad. He would talk and act as if whatever he was doing at the time say like fixing the car, if it wasn't going right it was my fault.

I wont do that again. Life is to short.

Also I know a few friends read this page. If there is something you know about me, something that will help in explaining me. Leave it in a message if you want. It could help me a little. lol

Well I have to get ready for work. Enjoy your day.

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed. THANK-YOU!

I have been thinking about myself and what makes me unique? What makes me stand out? hhmmmm. Let's see. I really can't think of to much.

PHYSICAL
I am 5'4"(well almost) I have red hair, which I do tend (sometimes) to put color enhancers in it. It keeps it shiny that way. Hazel eyes, which can turn green if in a great mood. I am as fair complicated as your going to get. I have to use lots of sunscreen while out. Though I love being outside. My weight? I am not sure about the exact weight, as I don't ever step on a scale, but it isn't over 130lbs, I am sure. While that isn't fat I am working on my tummy a bit. Being I am a mother of 3 and almost 40yrs old to boot, I feel as if I need to improve there. Some say I am nuts, but isn't every woman in America on some sort of diet? I have been told I have a nice profile. Which was a great compliment for being almost 40yrs old. :)
EMOTIONAL
I love being a Mom. My sons have my heart.
Do I cry at movies? Sure I do. But I feel weak when I do. I hate crying. I do my best not to. But there are times I just do. It don't last long nor do I let people see me.
I don't hold a grudge for to long. I don't like the emotional toll it has on me. I get over things quickly. But if you done me wrong like my son's father did, it could last a lifetime. I will never get over how he destroyed a part of me.
I have a huge heart and enjoy loving my family.
I like laughs. Daily. I remember reading a minute of laughter gives you an hour of life. Heck, that's sounds fun to me.
I like playing small harmless pranks on my friends and family. Just ask my Mom. She still says she wont go vacuum shopping with me again.
I like writing short stories and sometimes I dabble in poems.
I don't like cats much, but my little guy does so I got him one.
I like dogs but I don't like to keep putting them outside, so I let my oldest son get one, his responsibility.

Well that's about all right now. I have to get out the door to work. Maybe I'll find one of them tests/ surveys and post that.
Enjoy your day.

Hot Summer Days

Morning. Today is a hot one here. With the heat index it is to reach 109. YIKES!! Yesterday I was just as hot. I wore a tanktop which I never do at work. It is a factory, men are pigs sometimes. Usually it is the married ones though. It helped a bit with the temp being so high, but I can't see anyone being cool today either. There was a question in today's on-line paper I read.

Some people think global warming is making our summers hotter.
Are hotter summer days - 90 degrees and above - a reasonable trade-off for
milder mid-Michigan winters?

I had to think about that for a few minutes. Being as hot as it is. But I like winter. If I didn't have to work and I had a fireplace. I could stay home and not worry about it. I would prefer some snow like we used to get when I was young. My 4 yr old little guy might like it as well. I can heat up faster then I can cool off. Well have a great day I have to walk out of the house now. Enjoy summer while you can it is only here for a little while.
~click the title and you can be directed to my local on-line paper

I want to thank Our Military for their service to Our Country. I appreciate you protecting me and my children. It don't go unnoticed.